Counseling Sheet

Agatha M. Thrash, M.D.
Preventive Medicine

‍

It is not unusual these days for a single parent with dependent children to apply for work or to become a student. It seems that each case is special and must be considered on its own merits. There are questions to be answered.

Separated? Divorced? Unwed? Deserted?

Who cares?

God cares!—especially if the parent has dependent children. Knowing how a mateless parent got that way is not half so important as compassionately doing something to help, for such a parent bears a double burden and needs help.

The Bible has little to say about the home that lacks a mother, but it has much to say about the fatherless and widows. Special mention is made about the poor who are of the household of faith.

‍

Search for Mateless Parents

What is our responsibility toward the single parent with dependent children? Ask Job. He will tell you. Don't wait for them to come to you. Go to them! Search out their cause: He testifies that, "the blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy." (Job 29:13)1

‍

Visit Mateless Parents

Ask James. He will tell you what he thinks of the man who seems to be religious, who talks much and does little. That "man's religion is vain." He will tell you what pure religion really is: "To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." (James 1:26, 27)2

‍

Miracles on the Heart

Ask Ellen White. She will tell you. "God does not mean that any of His followers beg for bread." (5T 151) "How does God provide...? He does not perform a miracle by sending manna from heaven; He does not send ravens to bring them food; but He works miracles on human hearts." (WM 214)

‍

The Mother's Role

The Lord's messenger has much to say about the role of a mother. Her first responsibility is toward her children, there is none higher.3 If she is a widow, she bears a double burden and needs help.4 By herself she is not able to be a bread-winner and be all that a mother should be, too. And she can never completely fill the father's role toward her children. "She needs encouragement, sympathy, and tangible help. God calls upon us to supply to these children, so far as we can, the want of a father's care. Instead of standing aloof, complaining of their faults, and of the trouble they may cause, help them in every way possible. Seek to aid the careworn mother. Lighten her burdens.'' (MH 203:2)

What shall we say to the anxious mother who wants to improve her lot by increasing her capacity to be a breadwinner? Let her remember that her role as a mother has not changed. Whatever she does, let her trust in the Lord. She may affirm with confidence: "Let me know that Jesus smiles upon me. Let me know that He approves my action and my course; then come what may, be affliction ever so great, I will be resigned to my lot, and rejoice in the Lord."

There are circumstances when it is necessary for a mother to delegate her authority to another. Ellen White did. She often had to be away from her children because of her duties. She was very careful in her choice of helpers, but she maintained her authority and anyone who was in charge of her children knew exactly what was expected of them. Stewardship of children is a sacred responsibility, and since parental authority is delegated to them by the Lord, the parent's word must be law. The rules of the home must be maintained. If any helper, volunteer or paid, disregards those rules or permits the children to do so, let that person be dismissed at once.

God wants mothers to improve their talents and their mental powers. He needs women to do missionary work for Him. But their first mission field is in their own home. "Mothers who sigh for a missionary field have one at hand in their own home circle.... Are not the souls of her own children of as much value as the souls of the heathen?" (AH 245) In no case should the parents desire for self-betterment, or for missionary service outside the home, interfere with the need of the child.

‍

The Well-Disciplined Family, the Strongest Argument for Christianity

"Present to the world a well-disciplined family, and you present one of the strongest arguments in favor of Christianity." (Signs of the Times, Nov. 10, 1881)

Have faith in God. David declares, "I have been young, and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." (Psalm 37:25)

‍

The Church's Role

The Lord's poor do not have to beg when God's church is alert to her privilege and ministers to them. "The Lord would have this work done in the different churches, rather than these unfortunate ones depend so largely upon institutions; for this will take out of the hands of the church the very work God has appointed them to do." (WM 229)

"Ministers should educate the various families and strengthen the church to care for it's own sick and poor." (6T 272) It is a "most solemn duty." (1T 274)

"The poor and needy are to be cared for. These must not be neglected, at whatever cost or sacrifice to ourselves." (WM 182)

The best way to help the poor is to teach them to help themselves. To assist them to gain an education or training that will make them self-supporting is time and money well spent.

Let every family of the church be encouraged to have a self-denial box in which to deposit offerings equivalent to the value of any unnecessary indulgence. Let this money be given to the poor.5

In every church there should be a poor fund and offerings taken up regularly to replenish it. If any church is unable to meet the needs of it's worthy poor, what then? First let the pastor or some responsible layman appeal to any person of means who might belong to that local church. If there are still insufficient funds, let appeals be made to sister churches within the district, this is God's way of answering importunate prayer. Seldom, if ever, will it be necessary to go any further, for this is heaven's appointed way of helping the Lord's poor.

‍

When Help Is Needed

Just one final word to the mateless parent—if you need help, don't be too proud to accept it when it is offered. Remember there is a double blessing in it, both to yourself and to the giver. If you are being neglected, don't lose faith either in God or your brethren—pray: Claim God's promises and thank Him for the answer before you receive it. And when the blessing comes, you can thank Him again and praise God from whom all blessings flow.

1. For Ellen White comment, see Welfare Ministry, pp. 30, 31.

2. Compare with WM 38:2.

3. Signs of the Times, April 23, 1902.

4. Ministry of Healing, 203:1.

5. Signs of the Times, Nov. 30, 1904.